As you know, I have been completely indecisive about what I have wanted to do with my life since, well... ever. What I would love to do is write a couple of novels and retire to the French or Italian countryside with my kiddos. But, although my mind spins daily with 9,000 different book ideas something always gets in the way that makes me reconsider. Usually that is my complete lack of self-confidence, but sometimes it's other factors. Like kids needing fed and bathed and whatnot.
I have an education degree, and could probably pretty easily go back to that, but I'm not sure that I really want to. Other than the schedule, there just isn't much about teaching that appeals to me anymore. Don't get me wrong, the schedule is a HUGE appeal, not only having the summers off but also having the summers off and being able to spend that time with my kids. Then I tell myself that Ohio is likely to go to a 12 month school schedule any year now so that will probably happen right about the time I decide to go back and then I'd really be livid.
So I'm trying to think of things I enjoy doing and trying to find a career path. I've really been looking into the idea of becoming a doula, or even a midwife, and especially a certified lactation consultant. All of these things REALLY appeal to me, but I'm just not sure if it's the right route to take. It will take me at least 3 years to complete a certified nurse midwife program, and with 3 kids and not much help, that will more likely be something like 6 years. And do I want to start a whole new challenging career in 6 years from now? Who knows.
I like the idea of not becoming a midwife, but simply a doula and a CLC, because the personal care aspect is what appeals to me more than the medical and clinical aspect, but then I wonder what kind of job prospects I would have as a doula, or a CLC who is not already an RN.
Either way my biggest obstacles are obviously time, and even more so.. money. I already have roughly a Honda Accord's worth of student loans that I've been paying off very little by very little for 5 or 6 years now. I can't take out any more loans. As I've already mentioned, I don't really qualify for grants, and unless I pursue midwifery the other options are certification options anyway and therefore grants wouldn't help me in those cases even if I could get them. I'm trying to apply for some scholarships for people who already have a degree but I'm finding that most of those want to know exactly what it is that I want to go back to school for. Why can't I just be a lifelong student majoring in undecided? Why can't I get paid to go to school? It is one of the things I most love, so it's unfortunate that this isn't really a career path that's available.
Anyway... that's why I'm up at 3 am. Again. I always seem to end up awake at 3 am. Every night I fall asleep in my recliner somewhere between 10 and midnight. Then I wake up and get up and get something to drink and no matter how many times I tell myself I'm not going to do it, I open my computer and sit and start researching whatever is crossing my mind that day. And then I'm up until 3. Maybe if I do go back to school this will come in handy for me to get homework done between midnight and 3 am. Since I'll be going back to work in a week or two, that's probably not really the smartest idea.
So I'm off to bed now. Hopefully for good this time. :) I just wanted to update you on what I've been thinking about. Maybe if I get it out there that I'm thinking about these things I'll be more likely to follow through with it. We'll see.